I’ve been serving in the streets of New York City for 3 years now. It’s hard to wrap my mind around a lot of the things I’ve witnessed. One thing I struggled with initially is why folks who are homeless, or nearly homeless, have such short triggers.
I mean I thought I got it, it’s “obvious.” But then I found myself getting very impatient with the guy who decides to throw-down because someone bumped into him, or the woman, not-so-patiently, waiting her turn who screams, “hurry up” at the person getting prayed for in the back of the Relief Bus while he or she receives a new pair of socks.
On the surface this just appears to be poor upbringing, bad manners, impatience, immaturity, or all of the above. But what I’ve come to conclude after 3 years of serving this precious population is that this behavior is simply the result of an emotional gas tank that is running on empty.
The majority of the folks reading this blog will have slept in a warm bed with minimal fear of being awoken every 2 hours by patrolling police, like many of those who sleep in subways and train stations do. For the most part, you probably didn’t share a room with complete strangers who learned the hard way that survival is easier as the predator than as the prey, as many of those who sleep in NYC shelters like Wards Island have.
Every night that you wake up in a relatively safe and secure environment without fear of violence or victimization, your emotional gas tank fills up little by little. Every time you and I can go a day without spending every ounce of energy we have just trying to get our basic needs met, our emotional gas tanks fill up even more.
On the other hand stress empties our tanks. Fear and abuse empty our tanks. Sleeplessness, anxiety, self-worthlessness, & poverty of all kinds empty our tanks as well.
So when I go night after night, day after day, barely putting any gas into my emotional tank, all it takes is someone cutting in front of me at the Relief Bus to completely set me off. It’s not irrational. In fact, it makes perfect sense. The raw truth is that you or I would probably lose it long before many of our friends who are in the street.
Our goal when we serve at the Relief Bus is to create an environment that fills emotional gas tanks. With a decent meal that doesn’t cost anything, a new pair of socks, hygiene kits, referrals, helpful information, and most importantly friendship, prayer, and hope, we are trying to function as a filling station or “rest area” for anyone who could use it.
This means that we need to be diligent in facilitating an atmosphere that is conducive to “filling-up.” We try to think not only about what we give away, but how. Are we keeping things orderly? Are we allowing space on the sidewalk for people to pass by without much difficulty? Are we communicating how things work and where things are? And are we doing so in a friendly and patient tone?
What would happen if your car was on the highway, about to run out of gas, and you see a sign for a rest area but when you exit you couldn’t actually find the gas pump? What if every time you thought you were getting closer to the fueling station someone else jumped in front? Or what if you wait in line for 30 minutes to get gas only to find out the station ran out 2 cars ahead of you? If you are anything like me, or seemingly everyone else in New Jersey, you would probably freak out. Don’t they know you are about to run out of gas?
It is up to those of us with full tanks to “yield” to those on “E” because this is exactly what God calls us to. Jesus tells a woman on empty,
“But those who drink the water I give will never be thirsty again. It becomes a fresh, bubbling spring within them, giving them eternal life.” John 4:14
Let’s remember that as followers of Jesus we are called to always love and never judge. Let’s remember that instead of just getting irritated with us and our empty tanks, Jesus became a filling station for the entire world and calls his people to do the same.
Grace and Peace,
Josiah
