I’ve been doing outreach with men and women experiencing homelessness in New York City and New Jersey for almost nine years. I have also done hundreds of trainings for volunteers who want to engage with their homeless neighbors but don’t know how. Here are my Top 5 Homeless Outreach Tips:
TIP #1
Start a Conversation:
Eye contact helps. So do smiles (not in a creepy way).
Greet the person. Ask a question about something nonintrusive (weather, sports, directions, etc…).
Then listen. Bring nothing into your listening. Just Listen.
Offer your first name before you ask for his (I like to say, “What do your friends call you?).
Even if she is telling a story that you think, or even know, is impossible, simply give her the chance to speak her mind.
1 Corinthians 13:7 says that “love hopes all things” so always hope she is telling you the truth, unless what she is asking of you requires some action that you feel is unwise or unsafe.
Show interest. Be quick to laugh at his jokes, but don’t force it.
The more interest you show, the deeper you’ll go. Your conversations will be as shallow as your ability to demonstrate that you care about his or her story.
Don’t stretch the conversation longer than necessary.
Feel free to ask if you can pray for the person, but don’t force it.
If you pray, make it short and to the point. Pray with your eyes open. Say thank you for the opportunity and that you hope to see them again.
Repeat his or her name so you will remember.
TIP #2
Boundaries:
Just as you make it clear that he or she can be honest with you, don’t be afraid to be honest about personal boundaries with someone you meet. If someone asks why or seems annoyed that you are self-protecting, you can always say, “I just met you! I don’t know who you are!”
You are allowed to say things like, “I won’t do that.” “I can’t do that” etc…
Don’t give out your personal information (phone number, address, email, social media) until you have an established relationship with the person.
EVEN THEN, be wise and don’t do or share anything you wouldn’t with someone you just met at the movie theater or bar.
Don’t make anyone feel trapped. Never approach someone with more than 2 people. Don’t hover over an individual who is sitting on the sidewalk or laying down on a bench. If necessary, kneel down or ask for permission to sit next to the person.
If you have the option, approach folks with someone of the same gender. Many homeless women have had terrible experiences with men and will open up more quickly with a female volunteer.
TIP #3
Giving Money:
Giving cash is probably not the best thing to do, but it is rarely the worst.
If you do, don’t give a lot.
If you don’t feel comfortable giving away cash, be honest. Instead of, “I don’t have any money,” try: “I’m sorry, but I don’t give money to strangers.”
WHY? Monetary exchange is almost always a poor foundation for a healthy relationship.
Honesty is often reciprocated. You’re more likely to get what you give.
If someone is panhandling, ask for permission to take some of his or her time. Don’t assume that he or she wants your company.
By asking, you will show the person respect as a human being and he or she will be more likely to hear what you have to say or be open to your company.
Always prioritize 2-way conversation over bulk distribution. Be wise about how you give things away in high population spots like public transportation hubs, busy tourist spots, or in front of a drop-in center or emergency shelter. Don’t make a scene or you might just get a scene.
If you have socks, blankets, or toiletries to give away, always ask the person if he or she would be interested first. Don’t make assumptions.
If he or she says ‘no’, ask if he/she might know someone who would be interested.
If the person expresses a need that can be met by running to the store and buying something small, feel free to do so. Never give the person cash for the same item and if they ask for the receipt, consider alternative arrangements.
GIFT CARDS ARE GREAT (McDonald’s or Dunkin Donuts allow the man or woman to purchase something that will give her a safe, warm place to sit and enjoy a meal after you leave).
TIP #4
If they are sleeping:
DON’T WAKE THEM UP! Homeless folks sometimes average 2-3 hours of sleep a night. They are often awakened by police and security guards and moved indiscriminately. This makes sleep precious,
Feel free to observe whether his chest is going up and down. Make sure his lips are not blue.
IF you think someone may not be breathing or his lips are blue, call 911 immediately and loudly say, “excuse me, sir!”
Don’t leave items next to a sleeping person.
These things will probably just get stolen anyway.
And if someone is already stealing the pair of socks (or item you left), they might help themselves to the person’s backpack or wallet, with all their ID’s in there, while they’re at it.
Again, relationship is the goal.
TIP #5
Safety:
If someone is visibly unwell, do not extend the conversation beyond what is appropriate.
Just be kind and compassionate, but assume that if someone isn’t coherent or is just behaving erratically, this is probably not the best time to make a heart connection over coffee.
Many women in the streets have been victims of sexual violence, so if you are a man trying to connect with a homeless women, consider bringing a female friend with you. And if you are a woman trying to connect with a homeless man, be aware that it is not alright for you to be treated inappropriately no matter what the person’s living situation may be.
If the person seems completely out of control or volatile, please call 911 or 311 depending on how severe the situation might seem.
Use common sense. Call for help if you think someone is unsafe, but don’t call just because you feel uncomfortable. For example, don’t call 911 because there is a homeless person talking to himself. We all have internal conversations going on all the time, and when you have nobody to share with for long periods of time, it can sometimes lead to voicing them out loud.
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FINAL NOTE: The average life expectancy for our homeless neighbors is approximately thirty years shorter than the national average (National Coalition for the Homeless Fact Sheet). Know that building a relationship with someone might just add years to his life.
Learn about the resources that exist in your community for men and women experiencing homelessness. Where are the shelters? Free food and clothing? Volunteer and give to support these programs, it will make you better at outreach and help you understand why the situation exists and how you can help.
Don’t be afraid and don’t put too much pressure on yourself. The founder of New York City Relief likes to say, “God only uses one kind of person: the kind that shows up.”
Our homeless neighbors are made in the image of God. They are infinitely loved and wonderfully made. Stop waiting for the stars to align. Just get out there and make it happen!